Germany U21s 4 England U21s 0
Quite simply the Germans had players who could pass. 'We' didn't.
Monday, 29 June 2009
TheOh dear watch 3
Germany U21s 4 England U21s 0
Quite simply the Germans had players who could pass. 'We' didn't.
Saturday, 27 June 2009
Theo Watch 2 (?)
Have to admit that England Under 21s semi-final against Sweden wasn't one I actually watched. I did however catch the hi-lights. Here is 'Simon Says' summary of an extraordinary game in which England blew a big lead and had a man/boy sent off and then achieved a feat never before matched by any England team ever. At any stage in history. (Queue complaints..)
Time line:
01:00 GOOOAAALLL!! England make the perfect start scoring one minute into the game through defender Martin Cranie following a James Milner corner.
23:00 England striker Gabriel Agbonlahor picks up (not literally) a yellow card which rules him out of the final (should England get there).
27:00 GOOOAAALLL!! Yet another James Milner corner. This time turned in by centre back Neduym Onuoha. Who needs strikers when you've got the England back 4!
38:00 GOOOAAALLL!! Not for the first time James Milner swings in a corner. This time the Swedish defence head it clear, only for Walcott to cross it back in onto Lee Cattermole's head which in turn found its way to the back of the net via Swedish defender Mattias Bjarsmyr's leg.
45:00 The first half ends 3-0 and surely England's place in the final is assured.
68:00 goal. Sweden's star striker Marcus Berg connects well with a cross and finds Joe Hart's right hand corner of the net. Surely nothing more than a consolation.
75:00 goal. Ola Toivonen scores straight from a free-kick. Come on lads tighten up the defence.
81:00 goal. Sh*t. Marcus Berg is at it again. This time with a cool lob over Joe Hart from a knock back.
90:00 3-3. How on earth..
E.T. 104:00 RED CARD Manchester United's(at least for now) Frazier Campbell foolishly dives into a tackle in the 'Paul Scholes' fashion and earns himself his second yellow card of the match. England down to 10 men. Oh dear.
120:00 Not too much else happened throughout the rest of extra time apart from the odd scathing look from England players at the bench in the general direction of young Campbell.
And now penalties..for a side managed by Stuart Pearce..
1)
In the age-old fashion of spectacular England penalty misses James Milner's effort perhaps beats them all. Closer to a circling Russian satellite then to the general direction of the goal, 'Psycho's' heart rate must have been rising.
Thank F*** Berg missed. Maybe put off by Joe Hart's curious habit of swearing loudly at penalty takers before their run-up.
1-0 Joe hart scores. Say what? Must have read that wrong. Oh well, all that matters England are 1-0 up.
1-1 Somebody called Elm equalises for Sweden. Whose taking their next one - Oak?
2-1 Cattermole..scores! This lad's quality. He'd probably sodomise his grandmother if 'Psycho' asked him.
2-2 Bjarsmyr makes up for his own goal with an accurate pen past Hart.
3-2 Middlesborough's Adam Johnson scores. Don't think I remember England scoring this many pens before.
3-3 Lustig scores. More importantly the ref loses his patience with Joe Hart's Ben Kingsley impressions and books him. Hart will miss the final if England qualify.
4-3 Walcott. That's the secret recipe to scoring penalties - Arsenal players.
4-4 Bengtsson. And now its sudden death..
5-4 Kieran Gibbs. Pearce has it sussed. Though He might later regret not bringing Jack Wilshere along.
5-4!! Some tit misses! England scrape through a semi they might well have ended up throwing away to face the Hun in the final. Yes its England v Germany again folks.
Come on England!
Time line:
01:00 GOOOAAALLL!! England make the perfect start scoring one minute into the game through defender Martin Cranie following a James Milner corner.
23:00 England striker Gabriel Agbonlahor picks up (not literally) a yellow card which rules him out of the final (should England get there).
27:00 GOOOAAALLL!! Yet another James Milner corner. This time turned in by centre back Neduym Onuoha. Who needs strikers when you've got the England back 4!
38:00 GOOOAAALLL!! Not for the first time James Milner swings in a corner. This time the Swedish defence head it clear, only for Walcott to cross it back in onto Lee Cattermole's head which in turn found its way to the back of the net via Swedish defender Mattias Bjarsmyr's leg.
45:00 The first half ends 3-0 and surely England's place in the final is assured.
68:00 goal. Sweden's star striker Marcus Berg connects well with a cross and finds Joe Hart's right hand corner of the net. Surely nothing more than a consolation.
75:00 goal. Ola Toivonen scores straight from a free-kick. Come on lads tighten up the defence.
81:00 goal. Sh*t. Marcus Berg is at it again. This time with a cool lob over Joe Hart from a knock back.
90:00 3-3. How on earth..
E.T. 104:00 RED CARD Manchester United's(at least for now) Frazier Campbell foolishly dives into a tackle in the 'Paul Scholes' fashion and earns himself his second yellow card of the match. England down to 10 men. Oh dear.
120:00 Not too much else happened throughout the rest of extra time apart from the odd scathing look from England players at the bench in the general direction of young Campbell.
And now penalties..for a side managed by Stuart Pearce..
1)
In the age-old fashion of spectacular England penalty misses James Milner's effort perhaps beats them all. Closer to a circling Russian satellite then to the general direction of the goal, 'Psycho's' heart rate must have been rising.
Thank F*** Berg missed. Maybe put off by Joe Hart's curious habit of swearing loudly at penalty takers before their run-up.
1-0 Joe hart scores. Say what? Must have read that wrong. Oh well, all that matters England are 1-0 up.
1-1 Somebody called Elm equalises for Sweden. Whose taking their next one - Oak?
2-1 Cattermole..scores! This lad's quality. He'd probably sodomise his grandmother if 'Psycho' asked him.
2-2 Bjarsmyr makes up for his own goal with an accurate pen past Hart.
3-2 Middlesborough's Adam Johnson scores. Don't think I remember England scoring this many pens before.
3-3 Lustig scores. More importantly the ref loses his patience with Joe Hart's Ben Kingsley impressions and books him. Hart will miss the final if England qualify.
4-3 Walcott. That's the secret recipe to scoring penalties - Arsenal players.
4-4 Bengtsson. And now its sudden death..
5-4 Kieran Gibbs. Pearce has it sussed. Though He might later regret not bringing Jack Wilshere along.
5-4!! Some tit misses! England scrape through a semi they might well have ended up throwing away to face the Hun in the final. Yes its England v Germany again folks.
Come on England!
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Theo Watch 1
England's Under 21s football team are currently away in Sweden playing in the European Under 21 Championship. I am keeping an eye on Arsenal starlet Theo Walcott's progress.
Theo was dropped to the subs' bench for tonight's game against the tournament's joint favourites Spain. This followed a mediocre display in England's opening match against Finland where he was substituted at half time.
First half: England performed well, and even won a penalty through the hard-working James Milner. He hit the ball hard to the keeper's right, but the keeper moved the same way and pulled off a good save. The only other action of the first half was Gabriel Agbonlahor picking up an injury which resulted in his being substituted for Frazier Campbell.
Second half: Manager Stewart Pearce brought Walcott on to add to Campbell's attacking threat. Campbell, Pearce's first substitution, provided the breakthrough with a clinical left foot finish to the goalie's bottom left on 67 minutes. Theo showed his quality minutes later with a burst of searing pace past a Spanish defender. Once past the centre back the young winger found himself in the penalty area.
Bearing down on goal many English attackers would have taken an ill-advised shot. Not young Walcott, with vision and a calm head to go with his frightening turn of speed he picked out James Milner in space with an accurate cutback. Milner made amends for his earlier penalty miss with a precise finish between the goalie and the recovering defender - 2-0 and game virtually sealed for Stewart Pearce's men.
Summary: While Theo will have matches where he features more regularly, tonight showed how dangerous he can be if he has the ball for only a minute. That is surely the sign of a world class player, or at least one who is fast approaching this special accolade. If he continues improving at this rate then perhaps he will have as vital an influence in South Africa when the senior side take on the World's best next summer.
Theo Walcott Watch v Spain: 8/10 - an assist for the goal that ended the game as a contest.
Theo was dropped to the subs' bench for tonight's game against the tournament's joint favourites Spain. This followed a mediocre display in England's opening match against Finland where he was substituted at half time.
First half: England performed well, and even won a penalty through the hard-working James Milner. He hit the ball hard to the keeper's right, but the keeper moved the same way and pulled off a good save. The only other action of the first half was Gabriel Agbonlahor picking up an injury which resulted in his being substituted for Frazier Campbell.
Second half: Manager Stewart Pearce brought Walcott on to add to Campbell's attacking threat. Campbell, Pearce's first substitution, provided the breakthrough with a clinical left foot finish to the goalie's bottom left on 67 minutes. Theo showed his quality minutes later with a burst of searing pace past a Spanish defender. Once past the centre back the young winger found himself in the penalty area.
Bearing down on goal many English attackers would have taken an ill-advised shot. Not young Walcott, with vision and a calm head to go with his frightening turn of speed he picked out James Milner in space with an accurate cutback. Milner made amends for his earlier penalty miss with a precise finish between the goalie and the recovering defender - 2-0 and game virtually sealed for Stewart Pearce's men.
Summary: While Theo will have matches where he features more regularly, tonight showed how dangerous he can be if he has the ball for only a minute. That is surely the sign of a world class player, or at least one who is fast approaching this special accolade. If he continues improving at this rate then perhaps he will have as vital an influence in South Africa when the senior side take on the World's best next summer.
Theo Walcott Watch v Spain: 8/10 - an assist for the goal that ended the game as a contest.
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
BREAKING TRANSFER NEWS!!
I can exclusively reveal, thanks to links within the club that Arsenal have made their first signing of the summer. This record-breaking deal will be officially announced as soon as the details have been finalised..
Yes, club mascot 'Gunnersaurus' has signed a new contract extending his original deal which started in the Stone Age till 2011. Manager Arsene Wenger said that he was pleased with 'Gunnersaurus'' versitility, being able to take over the tea lady's role as well as continuing as club mascot.
Yes, club mascot 'Gunnersaurus' has signed a new contract extending his original deal which started in the Stone Age till 2011. Manager Arsene Wenger said that he was pleased with 'Gunnersaurus'' versitility, being able to take over the tea lady's role as well as continuing as club mascot.
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Thursday Night Fight Night
I am not long returned from the usual weekly trip to the Dolphin for a quiet pint with Mr. Kitson. But this was no ordinary night...
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a seemingly uneventful setting for the evening
As is our custom we approached the bar and bought our drinks. Mine - a sensible coke; Mr. Kitson's - some dark ale that shimmered with an unearthly sheen. So far, so good. Nothing seemed amiss. This however totally changed after Mr. Kitson returned from the pub's facilities.
It all started when the fiercesome landlady gave one of her slightly more drunken customers marching orders. He took objection to her demand and proceeded to hurl some bottles on the floor and cause a very noisy disturbance. Mr. Kitson and I, though both travelled men, have never been in an Irish pub so are unfamiliar with what sensible patrons do in such an event.
After waiting a moment to see if the raucousness would die down we noticed the young drunk swayed into a position between us and the front door. We agreed that our swiftest exit was via the back entrance. With S.A.S. levels of stealth and cunning we reached it and made our separate ways home. The dolphin may even now be still vibrating to the sounds of drunken revelry, but Mr. Kitson and I are long gone with tracks only an Apache scout could follow.
.jpg)
a seemingly uneventful setting for the evening
As is our custom we approached the bar and bought our drinks. Mine - a sensible coke; Mr. Kitson's - some dark ale that shimmered with an unearthly sheen. So far, so good. Nothing seemed amiss. This however totally changed after Mr. Kitson returned from the pub's facilities.
It all started when the fiercesome landlady gave one of her slightly more drunken customers marching orders. He took objection to her demand and proceeded to hurl some bottles on the floor and cause a very noisy disturbance. Mr. Kitson and I, though both travelled men, have never been in an Irish pub so are unfamiliar with what sensible patrons do in such an event.
After waiting a moment to see if the raucousness would die down we noticed the young drunk swayed into a position between us and the front door. We agreed that our swiftest exit was via the back entrance. With S.A.S. levels of stealth and cunning we reached it and made our separate ways home. The dolphin may even now be still vibrating to the sounds of drunken revelry, but Mr. Kitson and I are long gone with tracks only an Apache scout could follow.
Thursday, 4 June 2009
The birthday blog!
(Yes, its the long awaited birthday edition of 'Simon Says'. With the signature '3 days late' publication and the superfluously extravagant intro picture here it is..)
The lead up to my birthday included a round of crazy golf with some friends followed by a trip with my girlfriend to see Russell Howard - the comedian off BBC2's'Mock the Week'. Russell was his usual energetic self, at one point getting some ill kid to come up on stage to be fed a paracetamol by a random woman twice his age. He introduced two other acts who had varying levels of success.
The first was some young lad who had just tunnelled his way out of Uni. His main joke seemed to be based around him looking like a lesbian. The audience seemed to find him so funny they didn't laugh. Mercifully he was followed by a funny New Zealander who picked on some girl who claimed to be from Derbyshire yet had no actual idea where it was.
The next day was my birthday and started with a train trip to Cheltenham. This was to go up for a flight with my sister who flies for the Military. At least seeing some of her manoeuvres that seems the only rational explanation. She was so confident that her hands barely seemed to touch the steering wheel.
the pilot checking all the little buttons are working before take-off
She offered me the chance to fly it for a bit which, not being sure which side of the sky I was meant to fly on, I turned down. It was a gloriously sunny day though and the view of the earth from that of a bird's was a unique and stunning experience.
After about an hour or so we landed on the Sandown airstrip in the Isle of Wight.
After a short walk we arrived at the beach and went paddling in the sea.
In no way is this picture for bragging purposes.
Nope, not at all..
After an even more scenic flight back to Cheltenham I made the return train by breaking the speed of sound to the station. When I got home I was exhausted by an action-packed couple of days, so I had a Chinese takeaway with my parents and girlfriend. A chilled out end to a breathless day.
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
A summer's day.
Mr. Kitson and I had been planning a trip to the 'Sheppy's Cider Farm' for many a year. Mr. Watkins generously offered to chauffeur us there on Saturday. At about lunchtime I joined Watkins and Kitson for what we believed would be a lovely day trip. We made one short detour en route.
It all went well till we joined the M5, then the trouble started.
We heard on the radio that some idiot had crashed further up the motorway and as a result the traffic on junction 24 was backed up all the way to somewhere south of Land's End. Whereas Watkins and I kept up good spirits, we were concerned about Mr. Kitson's health. The connection on his state of the art walkie-talkie disappeared and he left the car to stare down the crowded motorway with a murderous glint in his eye. The heat-spawned madness was contagious as we witnessed various bizarre forms of people coping with the hold-up.
Eventually we left the motorway and headed home as Sheppy's would have closed by the time we got there. Back in Bath we met with Tim and went to 'the George' pub. Tim and Kitson got drunk on whisky and cider, and made rude words by erasing letters on the menu blackboard. Watkins and I had our dignity preserved as our table was in a quiet corner of the pub. Despite a disappointing day and 2 drunken louts, the trip to 'the George' was an enjoyable end to the proceedings.
It all went well till we joined the M5, then the trouble started.
We heard on the radio that some idiot had crashed further up the motorway and as a result the traffic on junction 24 was backed up all the way to somewhere south of Land's End. Whereas Watkins and I kept up good spirits, we were concerned about Mr. Kitson's health. The connection on his state of the art walkie-talkie disappeared and he left the car to stare down the crowded motorway with a murderous glint in his eye. The heat-spawned madness was contagious as we witnessed various bizarre forms of people coping with the hold-up.
Eventually we left the motorway and headed home as Sheppy's would have closed by the time we got there. Back in Bath we met with Tim and went to 'the George' pub. Tim and Kitson got drunk on whisky and cider, and made rude words by erasing letters on the menu blackboard. Watkins and I had our dignity preserved as our table was in a quiet corner of the pub. Despite a disappointing day and 2 drunken louts, the trip to 'the George' was an enjoyable end to the proceedings.
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